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Negotiating the Nonnegotiable: How to Resolve Your Most Emotionally Charged Conflicts
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Audible Audiobook
Listening Length: 8 hours and 38 minutes
Program Type: Audiobook
Version: Unabridged
Publisher: Penguin Audio
Audible.com Release Date: April 19, 2016
Whispersync for Voice: Ready
Language: English, English
ASIN: B01D8YC85Y
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
After years as a labor negotiator and attorney wife,,mother and grandmother, I never realized before reading this book how powerful the emotional component is in getting a successful resolution to conflicts. I find this book hits the nail on the head by focusing on the "whys" rather than the" how to" win consensus. Dan Shapiro takes what we know instinctively and turns one's attention to what tools we need to move a conflict into a resolution. What a masterful job he has done to blend day to day stories with great ideas I loved hearing about Dan navigating through the jungle of identities we all have, at home and at work, with those we love and those we don't.And who knew that we are part of a tribe or that the tribal experiences can be multifaceted and everchanging.depending on the context--work, home,and even at the hockey rink?. Blending humor and history, Dan's book should be read by everyone in the kitchen, the board room, and even the White House!
As founder and director of the Harvard International Negotiation Program, Dan Shapiro brings to bare a practical approach to conflict resolution in this master piece. One that is based on a wide array of experiences at all levels of society, from his personal life to the community level (NYPD) and from the State to international level (Israeli-Palestinian). After watching the Marrakesh incident on BBC’s The World Debate in an episode titled “Are the Right People Talking?†in which he served as challenger between the Israeli and Palestinian business and political leaders, I am fascinated by his deep experiences with emotionally charged conflicts. Something that he explores with practical examples, suited for students, professionals, spouses, teachers, diplomats… etc.The simplicity with which Prof. Dan handles a complex subject of “me versus you, us versus them†mindset, one that is typical in emotionally charged conflicts, is truly appealing to me as student. He uses the concept of the “Tribes Effect†(mindset that pits your identity against that of the other side) to illustrate how easily it is for people to be drawn into conflicts, be it siblings, spouses, business professionals, diplomats and even experts in conflict resolution. This is exemplified in the Davos experiment in which we see the world explode out of frustration.Professor Dan focuses on “five lures of the tribal mindâ€, crucial factors that parties to conflicts and even negotiators often ignore or mismanage. If there is one thing that I recommend to all those interested in resolving conflicts that transcend unity, it is for them to read through these five factors – vertigo, Repetition compulsion, Taboos, Assault on the sacred and Identity politics. This book not only tells us how these factors escalate conflicts but also provide practical steps on how to navigate and overcome them.
This work used minimum use of the hackneyed word "ego", which made it unique. It did an excllenet job in explaining that a preceicved threat to identity spawns most conflicts. It even provided good advice in reconciling conflicts, such as finding a common set of values amongst the opposing parties. However, in my opinion, it fails to warn readers do the perils which may potentially arise in cultivating those mutual values. For example, say you find you have something in common with your aggressors. You run the risk of speaking too much about your own views on that rather than inquiring into the perspectives of the other party. This lack of sensitivity may tentatively exacerbate the conflict, and I feel the book did not address that. Consequently, to ge the most of want this book has to offer, it may benefit the reader to concurrently read other books on creating an emotional bond.
In everyday live we all face situations where conflicts can arise. And many times we see ourselves already trapped in a difficult situation where we didn’t even want to go when it started. In my work as negotiating specialist in the Netherlands, I see people then start to push harder and harder on the content and the other side, to convince themselves and the other that they are right and should be heard. And off course the other side of the table will then do exactly the same. Why, because we all want to be heard and recognized for how we perceive, feel and look at the situation. The conflict will be fed, and the longer it will take, the harder it will become to find an attractive solution.Daniel Shapiro did an excellent job in writing this book. It is both theoretical and practical and therefore will help you, in private life, business and politics. It shows ways to get out of the conflict when we got stuck. It will help you finding out what steps to take, how to manage the process in advance and therefore prepare yourself to stay out of conflicts in the future. The last part will ask some time off (self) reflection. What are my beliefs, rituals, values and emotions? How do they form my identity? And how do they interact with the outside world? In my opinion this is an important way to go instead of tips and tricks that in the end are not part of our authenticity and therefore most of time not very sustainable.And don’t we all want conflicts to be solved in a sustainable way?
This book is an amazing blueprint to help you understand how to navigate and successfully negotiation any conflict that arises in your life - from business, to family, to friends, etc. It provides practical tips and advice and is told in an incredibly engaging and captivating way. I find myself going back to points made in this book anytime I'm faced with a high stakes conversation. Highly recommend this to everyone!
A book that treats difficult concepts in a very readable way. Negotiating in no doubt an area where a deep knowledge of the way humans act helps very much. This book covers many areas of human conduct in a way a lay person can understand. I highly recommend it
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